only _____ miles away

On a funny note:

So we went to Hyde Park since it was 80 degrees! Walked to the Serpentine, got into a pedal boat. relaxed in out bikinis. (Tara and I) Then Stephanie and Jessica arrived, but the walk around the whole lake was ridiculous (we know, we did it to get to the boathouse in the first place). So we tried to sneakily pick them up onto our pedal boat. Unfortunately we ended up making a great big AMERICAN scene. The guy in the motor boat came over and was all like 'you're not allowed' blah blah blah. So he latched us onto his boat, and dragged us back to the boat house, people were taking pics of us, and it was just really funny. So we got back, and just paid for the 2 girls, didn't want to get out since the line had formed and was a bit crazy. So anyways then we headed back out on the lake, and it was fun because I think everyone was thinking they wouldnt be seeing us again. . . but WE WERE BACK!

All I could say was:
'yes, we're American. . . !'
lucky for us we're pretty, and they were all men. . . haha, no one can resist 4 girls, with cute smiles, and half naked

That was by far maybe the best day yet being in England.

Andy is in London Town! whoohoo. we are seeing Sex and the City tonight!
We went on the London Eye yesterday and saw Avenue Q, REALLY funny. <-- def see it!

Getting through my internship, waiting to go home to see my love, and the HOT weather. It's going to be magnificant.

Love is only 3,459 miles away.
Soon to be 257 miles away.
And then . . . just a hug and kiss away

We've Arrived in London-Town

London is beautiful.

Just arrived the other night late.
I got to visit with Andy, Mary, and Sean B. some lovely park near Embankment (tube).
Exercised in Hyde Park which I ended up turning OFF my iPod. . . because it was so peaceful and it was just amazing.
Went out with the girls, we learned that pretty much everything closes at 11pm. . . as far as anything with alcohol. So we will plan ahead for tonight or whenever the next time will be.



My flatmates (Amanda, Claudia, Jenna, and Tara) and I went to St. James' Park, took pictures at Buckingham Palace with guards, then walked around Picaddilly and had lunch.
All before 3pm. We had to come back and take a break to rest, no worries though, we will be thoroughly using the Oyster Card for the next 30 days.

We have a kitchen full of food and all the girls mesh really well together.



We don't start the internship/work study until Tuesday. Poor Tara has to travel about an hour to get to her place, the rest of us. . . it takes about 15 minutes, not even.

We have great professors with us for this trip, and the whole group of 27 girls, all seem to get along. . . haven't really had any problems or issues yet. Then again, it is a bit early.

Oh I ate my first meal with tomato slices voluntarily and I've become infatuated with oil and balsamic vinegar on salads. . . so far i've had two salads today (did I mention they are baby SPINACH leaves at that???)

oh and with that. . . it's been in the 60's, low 70's. . . sunny and great.

So far so good.

my boot camp of a life

Only about a month of FITNYC to go. . .
Slightly more than a month till I land in the UK. . .
It's been almost two weeks of rigorous work outs and attempted healthier eating habits. . .
Approximately three months since I've embraced the Truth. . .
And today, the warm weather has smiled on the city and myself. . .

If love is one soul occupying two bodies, than shouldn't they be sharing the same thoughts?

How can Kimora be 6'1" and a size 4. . . ? I think she is lying
[Hardly seems fair.]

I'm cutting my carbs and sugar, and taking in fruits and vegetables plus plenty of chicken, and salmon when I can. Oh and of course protein shakes and endless amounts of water. Working out 3-5 times a week is kicking my butt, though in the end I'm sure I'll be nothing but pleased with my results.----> can't wait.

I'm thinking about making a 'before' and 'after' thing on here. . .
perhaps.

My Love.

Dear __:

Dear _:

Thank you for changing my life. You didn't actually change it. . . but you allowed me to see the changes I could make for myself. You showed me the window, gave me the tools, and showered me with unconditional love and support.

How can I thank you? I wish you the best, nothing but the best. I will think of you often, like I do now. Whether our road from the past to what I want ends now or later. . . or never ( I will hope and pray), only time will tell. Because He knows the plans, and what He wants us to do for Him by His word.

You and I have many changes and metaphorical steps to take until we can truly be happy, alone or even together. So let's make those changes, be my support system, I will be continue to be you're best friend. Like old times, but now for the new times. . . It hurts now, but it won't always my love.

If I seem cold or crazy, it's not because I don't care. It's because I'd rather laugh than cry.
I believe you have a hope that things won't change, but I know that they will. Whether the change is to create space or not, I'm accepting of it. We can't change everything but we can try to direct the route of our lives with the decisions of our hearts. This is a strong move, I admire you even more for seeing this step, and taking it. Of course we will take it, as you lead me, I follow. I trust you not only with the positive judgment, but knowing you have good intentions.

You believed in me more than anyone, and now the torch has been passed as everything seems to be set ablaze. This fire doesn't destroy, instead it warms and lightens not only my life but everything I've ever known, even yours.

I'll continue to grow and learn, and these life lessons are the only ones I truly appreciate and never get enough of. I'm like a carefree child again. . . with eager eyes and and open mind, I'll take everything in, my mind embracing The Truth, despite all the wicked ones, I will overcome them, and we can prevail if we believe.

Thank you for that and more. More of which you might never know. . . maybe one day . . .

I love you. now and always.

This is temporary if we want it to be. . .
Romans 12:12,
Rejoice in the hope. Endure under tribulation. Persevere in prayer.

keep the 'bond' because no one knows our love story like we do.

Fallen Foundation

The world fell apart in one day
didn't think it'd take something so small to bring it all down
now the work needed to build is overwhelming. . .
seems impossible
contemplating on whether it's even worth it
Everything worked towards and dealt with
It all came crashing down
I watched as the foundation crumbled
fix it?
Hmm. . .
how will you fix something at the pace you're going?
This place needs urgent care and immediate attention
People stopped to stare at the ruins
Build over it?
It's a possibility.
Is it condemned, is there no hope left?
If you build off of it. . .
what if it falls again?

I guess you have to wonder if you trust the architect. . .

Faith.

I am thinking I might have found it. . .

I found it in love, another, a community, a family, friends, work, it's consuming my life and thoughts. . . and I'm so thankful.

For once I feel like my life is falling into place, slowly but surely.

o p e n mind + o p e n heart= happiness

Find what you're looking for, accept it, embrace it.

Whether this is the end of my search, it's the beginning of a new life.

finally time to fill the void.

At this point in my life, I never saw myself being freshly 21, tired of partying, my drinking tendencies dragging, and still feeling a void in my life even though everything seems to be better than great. It's funny how one unmentionable thing can have the greatest effect on all aspects of life.

Confessional:
Secretly I've always had a void in my life, some at times more than others, but there has always been that something missing.

• My family is more than I could ever ask for, they've given me everything I could ever want within the ranges of love, respect, acceptance and stability.


• My friends, they come and go, but within friendships I could never sincerely complain. I've met many people who have changed my life for the worse and better. I've always have been able to take something away even if it's a mere lesson learned.


• Living and growing up through the Catholic church has been more than easy. Although I've never been able to give in completely, I've been acitve through out my high school years. For unexplainable reason I've never been able to surrender my self or what I would like becuse of my own ethical beliefs...there's so much I question and so much left unsaid I feel.

It confuses me that everything I've grown to learn and appreciate can be possibly inaccurate...How do you react when your whole center of thoughts that you've ever known are thrown off into the opposite direction by something that seems so different yet so right...

This void has followed me my whole life, and learning that the change in location doesnt change the problem, the only thing that changes is the opportunites and options you have to deal with it at that point.

I've recently decided to go on a journey for the truth, and to find myself and fill my void. I know this isn't something I can achieve overnight, and not even over a year or so. I've always known that you can't live a fullfilling life without God. Without God, without the knowledge, there will always be a void left unfullfilled. Lately its just been an emotional rollercoaster trying to figure things out. Through all the thoughts though I've always come to the same conclusion.

I'm no preacher, I have just realized that I need to reposition my life around what's true and real. There are so many times when we go off track with our daily lives that we often forget the important things. I'm excited and scared, but my determination continues to motivate me to satisfy the emptiness that takes over my thoughts on a regular basis.

I am not looking forward to the negative effects, but I have to understand that nothing comes easy. I know the end result may disappoint and even scare some (even people that are close to me) but hopefully encourage others and all. I just hope that they can find happiness in me finding happiness for myself. And this is something I'm doing for myself becuse I think that's the only way at this point to show myself that I am serious about finding my faith and taking the steps that only I can do to be 100% happy. And that is to take the big step by myself.

I know this is a part of growing up. I've had my childish moments, but coming of age and growing up in the right direction is all that I want for myself.

So this is my goodbye to my lost and loneliness, and a much anticpated stride into something better and positive for life and myself.

'life' and death

Here's a thought.
Essentially, we're all living to die.
The time we have is only what we make of it. Everyday we stress and complain about life, but when life gives us the chance to really live, live past death, why is it, that all we can do is see the negative in death?

After my visit to Mexico I've adopted a new belief system of life and death. Their culture embraces death, because everyday we walk with death and go about our lives around death. Some people speed death up with constants like drugs, alcohol and other abuse. Some try to slow it down as much as possible trying to live forever. Death is undeniable, here in America we avoid death in every way possible, it's never accepted and always rejected.

I believe the Higher Power has plans for everyone, and that includes death sometimes and eventually always. While the world tries to find the cures for the endless diseases and cancers, while hospitals try to evaluate and assess the problems of the growing epidemics, I believe that sometimes, some things aren't meant to be cured. Death isn't the bad guy, if anything it frees us all of our miseries and unhappiness in this world before eternity.

Not many people can see or understand this, you might think differently when you're in the midst of losing someone, but I've lost someone, and if you haven't already, you will.
Pain will overtake your whole being, but you can't let that stop you, and if anything, you should be thankful. So until that time, we should all try to live out our lives in this world with as much love and compassion as possible, because when your time comes, it comes fast, and all the drugs in the world can't stop the process of when it's your turn to say goodbye no matter who you are or how much you aren't ready to leave.

Life is like a maze, you can run around and try to hide but in the end there's only one exit...

Have a little faith...

It's funny how faith can come and go, f a d i n g with time and refreshing right when you least expect it.

Sometimes we give up right before the turn of success. But by the time we realize it, our choices let us know that it's too late. But if we hold on for too long we lose so much time, and time is something you can't ever regain. Fate doesn't care, fate only knows what's ahead.

This life, the one we live out, the one that we hold in our hands, constantly blaming others for our misfortunes, unhappiness, and disappointments...our happiness is only within ourselves and what we make of it.
It's time to take control of what's rightfully yours. Your life, and what you really want. Fate doesn't always give you what you want right away, fate gives you what you deserve and what's best for you.

-----------------------------------------------------

If I can make the right choices, or trust in my fate to carry me into what I believe to be happiness then I'll go willingly, with my eyes closed. I'll give you my trust and with no other choice give you complete control. I wont be the one to break me, it will just have been the choice to give you the power to do so.


So here I am, blindfolded and scared, but willing.

Seems that faith has found me again.

mexican thoughts

It's funny how being in Mexico changes my whole state of mind. Not only am I thinking, observing, and debating in my head, but it's half in spanish. It's funny to catch myself translating thoughts from time to time that I have at rare moments...back into English...never experienced that.

If you haven't figured it out yet...I am in Mexico City. I arrived this past Saturday the 5th and will arrive back to NYC on the 25th.

I have so many things I'd like to type.
When I arrived the family I'm staying with welcomed me. My roommate Marissa wasn't arriving till later that evening. So I got to struggle with the limited spanish vocab. It was fun though. The husband speaks some english but the wife doesn't. There's 2 kids, they are about 27 and 29, so I guess not really kids. but they speak english well enough to understand us.

I have done so much so far, and I am only just finishing the first week here. I'm exhausted and my head hurts. But honestly this country is incredible! The history and culture doesn't even compare to the US.
THere's so much to see and so much to learn.
You were right, this is a life changing experience.

So much that I am at a loss for words.
Until later.
adios

resolutions minus the New Year

So I know everyone's putting together New Year's resolutions by this time if they haven't already like...working out more, eating right, getting back in touch with God...etc. But I have been doing a lot of thinking of what I want to change within myself. I've done a lot of reflecting on this past years, and even further back. I've lived my changes and seen some myself not only from 2007 but in general.

I've decided not to make any 'New Year's resolutions', resolutions yes, but anything pertaining to the 'New Year' isn't in my book.
If anyone, including myself were going to be serious about changes they want to make or things they want to do differently, it shouldn't be based on the turn of a new year, it should be based on our own motivation to change. There's always things to improve in ourselves and our lives, so why do we wait for the excuse? Why can't we just wake up, and decide to make the changes needed?
Sure, everyone's made mistakes over time, but what we learn from that we implement it right away, or we should.
New Year is just an excuse. If you want things done differently in your life, you have the control and you make the choice of when and how to do it.
Stop waiting on the time and world, because the world and time wait for no one.

Speaking of New Years...let's talk about the night's events...
All I can say first of all is...Steph...if you are reading this...[which you probably aren't] thanks for showing up, because it would have been totally different without you...even if you didn't stay...WACK...but still love you girl
Even though things didn't work out as planned, it really wasn't a big deal. I'm not going to go into details, because honestly, it's not the serious.

I've made the choice of which side I'm on.

Sean if you're reading this [which you might be...] I wanted to say I appreciate the way you handled the situation on New Years. It means a lot that you care about me and how I feel at all times. I know I already told you this, but I want everyone to know that I firmly believe you are a good man, and if I'm wrong, then I will find out on my own. It's a risk I think you are worth, so I'm walking into this and standing behind you and beside you because for once I'm going to listen to something else, instead of my head...just remember I'm by your side.

It seems like everyone always has something to say, whether it is a warning or just maybe misery loves company either way, it's nobodies business but ours. Everyone needs to realize that drama isn't my style, which is why you wont catch me making scenes anymore. No, that's not a resolution, it's just a mature decision I've laid upon myself to be grown about situations.

I'm sorry for any feelings that got hurt on New Year's.

Other than that, I hope everyone can live learn and love in 2008.