finally time to fill the void.

At this point in my life, I never saw myself being freshly 21, tired of partying, my drinking tendencies dragging, and still feeling a void in my life even though everything seems to be better than great. It's funny how one unmentionable thing can have the greatest effect on all aspects of life.

Confessional:
Secretly I've always had a void in my life, some at times more than others, but there has always been that something missing.

• My family is more than I could ever ask for, they've given me everything I could ever want within the ranges of love, respect, acceptance and stability.


• My friends, they come and go, but within friendships I could never sincerely complain. I've met many people who have changed my life for the worse and better. I've always have been able to take something away even if it's a mere lesson learned.


• Living and growing up through the Catholic church has been more than easy. Although I've never been able to give in completely, I've been acitve through out my high school years. For unexplainable reason I've never been able to surrender my self or what I would like becuse of my own ethical beliefs...there's so much I question and so much left unsaid I feel.

It confuses me that everything I've grown to learn and appreciate can be possibly inaccurate...How do you react when your whole center of thoughts that you've ever known are thrown off into the opposite direction by something that seems so different yet so right...

This void has followed me my whole life, and learning that the change in location doesnt change the problem, the only thing that changes is the opportunites and options you have to deal with it at that point.

I've recently decided to go on a journey for the truth, and to find myself and fill my void. I know this isn't something I can achieve overnight, and not even over a year or so. I've always known that you can't live a fullfilling life without God. Without God, without the knowledge, there will always be a void left unfullfilled. Lately its just been an emotional rollercoaster trying to figure things out. Through all the thoughts though I've always come to the same conclusion.

I'm no preacher, I have just realized that I need to reposition my life around what's true and real. There are so many times when we go off track with our daily lives that we often forget the important things. I'm excited and scared, but my determination continues to motivate me to satisfy the emptiness that takes over my thoughts on a regular basis.

I am not looking forward to the negative effects, but I have to understand that nothing comes easy. I know the end result may disappoint and even scare some (even people that are close to me) but hopefully encourage others and all. I just hope that they can find happiness in me finding happiness for myself. And this is something I'm doing for myself becuse I think that's the only way at this point to show myself that I am serious about finding my faith and taking the steps that only I can do to be 100% happy. And that is to take the big step by myself.

I know this is a part of growing up. I've had my childish moments, but coming of age and growing up in the right direction is all that I want for myself.

So this is my goodbye to my lost and loneliness, and a much anticpated stride into something better and positive for life and myself.