I'm an 80%

Today I call...binge.

I had a nice day with my dear friend Tara. We met up in the city, went to eat at a little cafe that we both have been to before called Eros. Had lunch, then went to Starbucks and caught up on everything, talked about my life, her life, men, boys, school, and everything in general. She is a great friend and amazing person, I'm glad I keep in constant contact with her...
My comment for our visit it this: We've come to realize that misery loves company, and because some people are so selfish, we shouldn't let our feelings towards that or anyone hold us back from what makes us happy and what is best for us.

Then I met up with Steph around Time Square area, I went to get my eye brows threaded by this place that does Marielle's. I loved it, and I highly recomend it, it's in the Rockefeller Center under ground. I highly recomend going there. They gave me great shape, and it was super quick.

Then we walked down and went to Andrew's Diner on 34th to get a quick bite before going to see the movie.
We just saw the movie Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? Note: I think we might have been the youngest people in there, as well as the only non-couple, haha but whatever, that's what friends are for!

My comments: "GREAT, AMAZING", I loved it and so did everyone else. There were so many times that the audience clapped, laughed so hard, and possibly shed a tear.
My favorite part is when the husbands were all talking about the 80/20 Rule [which by the way is SO true]. Basically the rule says; People get 80% of the things they want in their relationship, and the other 20% they see in someone outside the relationship. The 20% can look very tempting and what some don't realize is that when they risk going after that 20% they are likely to lose the 80% they already have. So then basically you've lost the 80% for the 20%.
This movie was very uplifting and spiritual as well. It makes me want to become closer to my friends, closer to God, and truer to myself. I realize that I am an 80% that many men lost for a 20%. It's a shame but the sad truth to many women out there.
I am absolutely in love with this movie, I love all the characters, and the storyline is quite creative.

Go see it!

Being as how it is almost Halloween there were plenty of people already out walking around in costumes tonight...I was kind of jealous, but my time will come Sunday night. Pacha is having a Halloween party, and the ref OR nurse will be on high alert. And then on Wednesday, it's going to be so fun at the parade, I love it. I wish I had themed with my friends to dress up, or with a special someone, but since I have no one, all I have is myself. So we will go out, and have a fabulous time anyways!

ps. Starbucks is great fun too. So far so good.

Cheers to love

It's funny how my opinion of someone can change so drastically. Just when I let my guard down, I should have known someone would be there to trample in and create chaos.

Once again though...I am not going to let this rain on my parade...or should I say the parade of the men in my future...[I know you aren't all the same, even if it is a small percentage of you out there hiding]
Just another name, just another guy, just another day...

No worries, I know there is someone out there for me...perfect, and if not perfect, perfect for me.

Actually I know quite a few men in my life that I am friends with now, that would do the apparently-impossible task of putting up with me and be a good man for me. Although situations are sticky at times, I know who is right, so whether it's one of the good friends of mine or a new one that awaits me out there...I know I just have to be patient.

I refuse to limit the possibilities of where I meet men, I know what settings I prefer and what looks better, but let's not be 'judgemental'. You have to embrace love and friendship with an open heart and and open mind.

So I will just keep listening to my hopelessly romantic love songs, watch my chick flicks, and tune into the drama of everyday life of everyday people just so I can keep my hope alive that romance, chivalry, and an old fashioned gentlemen, is still out there alive and well [if not for me, well for at least someone].

Cheers.

weekender to weekday

I had a great weekend in Manhattan and the Bronx.
It included a pleasant dinner at BBQ's [23rd street of course], a deep conversation that I was completely drawn into, watched my favorite movie The Wood and made fresh hot brownies.
Then on Sunday I woke up traveled back to Manhattan, met up with a good friend [she is so fun, my oldest friend/mentor/sister] I changed her name, we'll call her LM...she is from Northern VA [my hometown area]
So we met up, went to Soho, walked around, ate at a cute little cafe, shopped at Antrhopologie [thanks for the shirt!] then we took a cab to the Roosevelt hotel where she stayed. Then stopped at the bar, took a cab to Central Park, walked around, she is scarred from seeing a man get himself off, then we went to the Pierre Hotel, flirted with the gay conceirge who ended up sending us to Mori Motos for dinner. Took a cab downtown to make our reservation, ate sushi for the first, and last time. [Apparently no one told me that you were only supposed to eat a little your first time, like ease into it...so I was feeling the repercussions at 3am]
Anyways then she dropped me off in a cab and I passed out, but not before sending her pictures that I took of her :-)
Then Monday rolls around. Class kills all day. But I make it, but not before leaving my last class early...the thing is...it's microeconomics...and he's slow.
So anyways then I met up with LM again and we took a cab downtown so she could get her first tattoo! The night ended in a sex shop, and we became quite close during these intimate bonding moments. This is a side that I will never forget! I LOVE IT! hahaha greatness comes at all ages.
She pretty much made me whole semester with her visit. She had meetings today and tomorrow, but she came Sunday, early so she could hang out with me! She is an amazing strong woman and I value her opinion like my own mothers.
p.s. thanks for feeding me! you're the best if you read this!

And now I'm dying from some crazy random cold I caught [and anyone who knows me, knows I am going to be fighting the fact that I should probably get some meds, but I HATE Medicine...] probably from some dirty germ infested railing or door handle. And it's pretty much my midterm week...but um yeah...the week is already half done for me...

I will prevail- I always do.

Gerard Butler adventure

So because of a request that I write about adventures in NYC, I decided to go out for a wander.
My day started simply trudging to FIT...late...to my internship meeting/interview with my counselor, which really consisted of me telling him that I already have everything taken care of between myself and VIBE...so then we ended up just talking about my future school year possibly in Rome or Mexico for Fall 2008.
Then I prepared myself to go downtown for my consultation at L'Oreal Redkin's Institute so they could analyze my hair for a perm, soon I will have cascading waves...sweet. I walked from 31st st. all the way down there to Canal St. My uggies [Uggs] never felt better.
My job at Starbucks starts tomorrow morning...at 7am, and I was in dire need of a black polo or something collared. So I was in Soho and lower Manhattan just walking around slowly but surely making my way back uptown.
I stopped in Washington Square park and took notes of some things that made me laugh in order for me to have something to write about which include these:
[not limited to Washington Square park area BTW]

• a guy that was stalking me with his eyes, and when I looked at him he had these freaky contacts that were basically making his eyes look all white...quite creepy and scary.
• A guy with a mini dacsand dog walked by, and the doggy wouldn't leave me, he had to be dragged away, and another old man commented saying "He loves girls...". And the owner wouldn't shut up about how the color of my Uggs were the same color as his dog, and then went on about how my shoes might be made out of dog, and asked if they were...riiiiiiiight...
• I watched a bunch of old guys play chess, it was cute, it was like right out of the movies.
  
• I just want to say this: Big girls [I didn't say FAT] do not need to be wearing stripes...ESPECIALLY horizontal...FYI, it's just not working out.
• I watched as a guy roller bladed by carrying a girl [over-the-threshold style] along the cobble stoned streets and almost fell a couple times...I could only wait and see...she is still alive as far as I know.
• Most of the day I was surrounded by guys skateboarding...no I'm DEFINATELY not complaining...so cute, but then there were these other guys on some seriously old school bikes riding around. That was kind of hot, I'm not going to lie.
• And when I was people watching from Dunkin Donuts a tranny [transvestite] walked by and I wasn't sure if it was checking me out...or what, but fashionably dressed as a female, but full on beard...just chillin' on his face...yeah, it was funnier to see people pass him and look back, their faces and reactions was what really made me laugh.
  

And finally what you've all been waiting for, unless you were a jerk and skipped the top part of this entry straight to here...

I walked out of Dunkin' Donuts, a little down considering I didn't have any direct contact with anyone to make a really great story. So I start walking towards 8th Ave, ipod on and everything...I'm walking and notice 2 guys walking past, and I make eye contact [I'm calling it an eye-affair] with the taller better looking one. Then something in me clicked...I turned around and started following them...Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo way...Gerry?
So as I'm stalking him secretly I call my mother [shout out to the tarts from me] on her cell, no answer, so I call the house. I tell her that I might very well be following her dream fellow. Of course she starts freaking out, and honestly I'm quite calm and collected, but she starts to stress me out...hard-core.
Ok let me just be the first to say I'm possibly the worst person to recognize celebs on the street. But about 1 year ago I thought I saw him around Columbus Circle, and having told my mother that, I havent been able to live it down.

So anyways...I finally get the guts up to ask his friend, actually my mom was practically threatening me to ask him if it was him. After trying to double check by having my mom list off stats of his. He's got the accent, the height, and the eyes...

Here's the convo for those that are interested:
me: "Umm excuse me but your friend looks really familiar..."
friend: "Oh well yeah..."
Gerry: "Oh hey, yeah, I'm from the movie 300."
Sounding as if I didn't know who he was or what movie that was...pshhhh
me: "Oh yeah really? Gerard Butler, cool. Do you mind, I have to have a picture with you."
Gerry: "Sure no problem, but I'm kind of in a hurry, on an important phone call"
me: "Definitely, thanks so much, my mom's a Tart"
They both chuckle to each other.
Gerry and friend: "Oh yeah...?"

So then I get his friend to take our picture, I thank him tons, and this was our departing...
Gerry: "No problem, tell your Mom I said "Hi"
me: "Oh I definitely will, thanks"
Gerry: "Yeah, don't forget, just tell her I said "hi"


Then I called my mom back, she freaked out, and now I'm pretty much her hero because I have just completed her life. I know I know...I'm a great daughter. haha.

And now I'm home, thinking...That was freakin' crazy...

and the best thing about it, was that he wasn't one of those arrogant, nasty celebs, he was very sweet, nice, and acted just like me.

side comment: he was carrying a NYC Scoop Bag...hmm...style and grace...nice

Just tell me what you like instead...

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore."

So does that mean that everything that we think we actually need is really just a want?

Is that an opening and a peek into how selfish we all might really be, because deep down we are all really just thinking about ourselves, I mean I will be the first to admit that I'm quite selfish when it comes to my own needs, but I like to think of myself as a giving and kind person as well.

Or maybe it's like water...essentially we need it, but once we obtain enough of it, we don't need it for given amount of time...until we need it again.
So how many other things in life do we treat as 'water'?
Our relationships, our families, our educations...all of which are needed at some point, but onces the requirement is satisfied...how many of us toss it to the side to resume the daily life, and how many of us keep it in our pocket because we know and understand that we will need it again...and in no time...before we know it.

Maybe that's what differentiates us...between the wants and needs out of our lives...

Everyone needs love-so how do you go about getting it?
And what type do you seek out? Unconditional, long term [which really could mean temporary], short term, one night??
We all seek out the same similar thing, its just the minor and sometimes obvious details that makes it what it really is.

So even though you or I, might claim you know what you want and need in life...you might have no clue at all.
What you need may just turn out to be a want, or what you want, might need to be placed higher on those priorities because it's really a need.

Hmm, just figure out what you like first, then you can go from there.

to judge or not to judge...

What defines judgment?

I may not like somebody, not because of who they are exactly, but maybe more about what they can or cannot bring to the table. The table in this case is my life.

I don't want to come off as the biggest bitch, but for the people that know me, they know I have no problem expressing how I feel at any given moment.

The way I grew up has made me adapt to the fact that no one can look out for you like your own self. Therefore I will follow up with saying that in this lifetime, the only one given, there are people who will expect you to fail, try to make you fail, and help you to not fail. Majority of this clan is against you, and I'm not preaching a 'the-world-is-out-to-get-you' tune either. I'm simply saying that anyone who isn't on the same level mentally isn't worth wasting time with and then there's nothing they can offer me. And with that I have no disdain for them as a person, it's just that if you can't help me become a better person or influence me with positive vibes or an intellectual conversation then what exactly are you doing with your life?

I also will add that if at any given point I come across people who I can help and elevate them to another level [higher of course] then I will do so as long as I'm welcomed with open arms and little resistance. Because people who don't want help, or want to continue where they are, cannot be worried about on a constant basis. Life is already stressful enough as it is, why carry unnecessary wrinkles on your face... Sure, let's keep in touch, great. But I'm not going to let you or anyone hold me back from becoming the person I plan and know I can be. Some people need the motivation and need the extra push to be who they are, and I am all for that, because that's how you make yourself a better person, it's how you make a better world...by surrounding yourself with positive people. What better way to make the world a better place by spreading the knowledge of success and upping the ante for everyone!

Seriously though, does this label me as a pre-judgmental person?
The thing is, I left VA for many reasons, mainly to expand my opportunities. Many of the people and things I left behind [not forgotten] are stuck in the past, 'living the dream', or simply useless. I'm not trying to put anyone behind or down, but it comes a time where you realize what is available to you, and what is the best for you. Seeing this I knew I had to get away in order to grow. I'm not sitting here saying that I'm better than anyone, because I do believe that everyone has the ability to become anything and beyond. The thing that separates us all is the drive within ourselves to want to make ourselves better people. Even when I come back to visit my home town area I can't help but miss NYC, and it's because in that beautiful city of mine, I'm not restricted to the amount of new people or new things and opportunities I can welcome into my life. When I go home, it's the same people, with the same problems, same situations, same thing different day.
I just feel in a lot of situations, I have a lot riding on myself with what I carry and have accomplished in my life so far, that I just can't risk it getting in trouble with cops, or doing stupid things. I know the people here, and that's why I am the way I am.

I'm not saying I hate anyone, I'm just saying that smart [common sense] people and people who want the best for themselves use the opportunities and take advantage of situations at hand. And that's why I can't help but be drawn to those types of people, there's a certain energy[if you have felt it, then you know what I'm talking about]...because they have the drive and vibe of a positive and not to mention healthy lifestyle.

That's the secret people...surround yourself with what you want to become. Because the only way you can truly change and become a better person [in my opinion, which has worked for me so far] is to see where you are going and what you want for your future, simply put...

you can't move ahead if you keep looking back.

Positive or Negative racism...

I'm beginning to think and agree that sometimes races create racism themselves, even if it isn't intentional.

I went to get Chinese food for my family which involved about 5 different orders [buffet style] on the spot, not even a call in. So obviously I wasn't going to be in a rush and obviously I would be waiting for a while. So everyone is getting their food first, which I'm not complaining, just patiently waiting quietly on the side. I even help this white lady order because she couldn't think of the name of the chicken she wanted [orange chicken] and she was having a hard time communicating with the Asian women whose English was only at a less than decent level. So I was thanked, whatever...blah blah blah
So then I'm still waiting...still not complaining, and she nudges me [the Asian woman] and says "This for you, for long wait" [Now I'm drinking a soda...btw I stopped drinking soda...but now I'm drinking this free soda]
So now when my food comes I also ask how much are fortune cookies, and she proceeds to give me some for free. Even though they clearly say 25 cents.

Now I go home and tell my mom what happened, she laughs because she thinks it's amazing how I can get better treatment than her in places like that. Others would include nail salons, and anything where Asians run it.
[Is it weird that sometimes I feel weird going to nail salons, because I'm pretty much the only Asian as a customer?]

My Asian side kicks in when I do my friend's eye brows, paint their nails, color their hair [even cut], draw out tattoos, or pretty much anything I can do, is playfully designated from my Korean roots. No I'm not offended, apparently my alter ego [Kim Soo He(e)] takes over from time to time.

It's not the first and most likely not the last time that I will or have gotten free things, or special treatment because of either 3 reasons if not all combined:
1. I'm decent looking
2. I'm a female
3. Because I'm Asian

Even in situations where there aren't other Asians involved, I can still get by easily with a lot of things.
Now everything I have just said, can be looked at in a few ways:
1. It's Asian on Asian appreciation
2. Maybe people who aren't Asian feel this is unfair and are looking at it in a racist way
3.Pretty girls get free things
4. It has nothing to do with race and some people are just nice.

All of these are true in their own sense. I just find it funny because whether you choose to view it from one perspective or another, we're constantly building a wall of separation, blindly.

I'm just wondering if, as a society, are we creating for ourselves what we sometimes often fight against...

IF i was interested...

Some people think they are so funny [you know who you are, there's not question about it]
So if someone was interested in someone...that person should just let it be known. Because I mean it's obvious that there is a connection. Unless I'm just completely retarded.
You know what, forget that...'that guy' I was talking about earlier...yeah you, I'm interested. As much as I like this game we are playing...it's cute, but um when it comes down to business, well you know let's be real about things.

ANYWAYS...

This past weekend:

• It's official-Steph is addicted to tatts. Khaliah you made me happy with your PIERCING decisions. I'm glad I can proudly say I was there for both.
  
• Sean saved me in Tempest this past Saturday, a fight broke out, some of us got trapped, and Sean practically scooped me up, Steph [Sean's Steph] scooped Steph [my Steph] out, and Marielle got her head knocked onto the dart board, but never the less everyone made it out okay.
  
• I ended up staying in the BX, and then met my brother [not blood but close enough] for brunch the next day.
  
• John came to visit, sorry Mandy wasn't there, we missed you though, you were there in spirit.

Today I had a test in Microeconomics, wanted to kill myself, but here I am...still alive, not to mention I went all day without eating more than an apple, so the hunger pains were real, never truly experienced that...new sensation, never again.
I went on an interview at Starbucks [welcome back, I know] and I will go for a second interview tomorrow.

I am officially back on schedule for the following:

• my internship for the spring

• my Mexico city trip for the winter

• my plans for studying abroad next fall are being set into motion
  

I'll be going to VA for Wed-Sat/Sun [haven't decided yet] and as for tomorrow night, I look forward to some 'jerk chicken' in the BX accompanied by THE WOOD ["is it supposed to look like that?"]

Now back to the main point, after tomorrow hopefully I'll have a better understanding of where I stand with a certain someone. I have explaining and listening to do.
And it's not that I don't like texting, and even if that was the case...
here is my theory:
people don't like to do a lot of things, but that's what makes it so great when someone can make you want to do something you might not typically really like to do. [i.e. texting.]

So stop saying the same old things, and let's figure out what's REALLY good between us.

p.s. I am not like any other girl, I'm completely different whether you see that now or later, you'll realize it soon enough if you give yourself the chance.
[And no, that was not a conceited moment, it's just that sometimes you have to realize the greatness in yourself and have the confidence in order to find someone who can appreciate you for who you are]
I just know what I'm capable of and it's important for me to decide whether I'm making the right decisions for myself.

-But I mean. you know. -

Apparently I dismissed Mr. Right today...

Apparently today I was informed that I was letting Mr. Right go...

Today it is a BEAUTIFUL day, 80's, little clouds, blue skies, warm breezy day...I go to central park to sun bathe, fine my own little spot, camp out, plug in, and relax. [Super excited since I get to use my bikini I ordered at the end of the summer for the first time!]
So there I am, enjoying Musiq Soulchild serenading to me while basking in the sun when out of nowhere I sense another presence. And to my surprise a man is standing a few feet away from me. I unplug saying 'What?' and the conversation begins. I don't like to be rude, but I have no problem being blunt. So I allow him to speak, after all, he did grow the balls to even approach me in a not-at-all-disrespectful-way.

So then he begins to tell me, almost preach, about how he wanted to read me a 'poetic compliment' So I allowed. Then he goes on to ask me if I am single etc. I wave my hand in the air to show that I am engaged [Thanks to some sort of supernatural feeling I had earlier to bring it (my fake ring) just in case, and just put it on, I was saved]. So he proceeded to inform me that He was Mr. Right and if I knew that he was that I would simply there drop my guy 'like a plague' and ask him to marry me. He then continued to explain to me that the Mr. Right was a man of God and how did I feel about that, and blah blah blah. His name was Carl, very nice man, just trying to get a point across about how women are...and I simply replied if you are Mr. Right why have you kept getting rejected and why are you not married now? And he sort of diverted the answer to that and continued on about what women say and do with their version of Mr. Right, and that He is the REAL Mr. Right. I laughed...he was pleased that at least he had made me laugh.

This conversation lasted about 10-15 minutes
and by that time my neck was starting to cramp from shielding my eyes from the sun and looking up.

So Carl, who works at ABC [completely outfitted in ABC gear btw] asked if he could simply love me as a friend, and exchange numbers. I gave it to him...YEAH RIGHT...no seriously, I told him I didn't feel comfortable giving him my number and he decided to tell me why I was uncomfortable [because I wasn't sure that he was the Mr. Right]. So then he requested to recite his phone number, so he did. Then he asked me to recite it back, OF COURSE I DIDN'T REMEMBER IT, and he got kind of flustered because I wasn't jumping to copy it down, so he recited it again, and corrected my mistakes. He left me saying I should think about him, call him, and after it was quite clear he wasn't going to be successful with me he switched the topic to trying to get me a job for ABC in advertising.

I thanked him for the 'intellectual and spiritual' conversation and he blessed me and said...

"That's what all women say to a compliment to the guy they don't think is Mr. Right. "

And so I laughed again, and laid back down.
---

So wouldn't that be so sad if he was Mr. Right...
an aging mid-40's white male...hmm
I don't think so, but I certainly hope not either...

Carl- I hope you find your Ms. Right sometime soon, so you can stop approaching young females half naked while they are 'engaged'.

'Entertaining'

The past few weekends have seemed like a blur.

Friday night I went to the movies with a new friend...let's not jinx it. He's cool, he's got good standings so far...
The weekend with Mandy was unbelievably fun, and this weekend Steph was in Manhattan hanging out with me pretty much the whole time.
Besides having an 'entertaining' time at Tempest watching other drunk girls make-out and dance on each other till they couldn't hold themselves up anymore and landed like earthquakes on the wood ground. Like I said...'entertaining'.
[Special shout out: Steph my little tat tat tatted up one...!]

• I just want to point out that I free hand drew her tat, and she ended up getting it and everyone is loving it! Just another one of my Asian specialties...

I enjoyed a surprise visit from my new friend as well...that was pretty cute, I'll admit.
Then Sunday she came took me out to lunch at Triple Crown cuz she's BALLIN' now, then we went to Starbucks got some free drinks, walked to the Dog Run park on the west side sat in there WITHOUT dogs, but playing with the other ones. [there was this little girl, and she was like..."They don't even have dogs"] Sometimes little girls need to just shut up and mind their business.
ANYWAYS it was fun, then we walked by the Lamborghini and Porsche dealership and got a little excited...uhhh but anyways. Then after out little walk we went back, watched the premiere of The Desperate Housewives, and that was it.
Slept like a baby because the night before I was up till 7am...[Haven't done that since high school...oh man, that takes me back]
Ew old moment.

And today I officially started my healthier lifestyle [PARKER FOOD JOURNAL, as a blog now as well!]. I got my workouts from Derek [thank you!]
Turned in an application to Starbucks, now that I will have LOADS of free time on my hands. So we'll see what happens. Classes are already half over seeing as how tomorrow is Tuesday...THANK YOU LORD.
I also talked to my Daddy earlier, so that was nice.

This week I should be meeting up with another few friends for a few lunch social gatherings. So I'm looking forward to all of those. Lots of things to continue to look forward to.

I've been getting dragged into watching The Hills...thanks to my roommate, I'm not complaining, just funny that I have never watched any of those types of shows [i.e. Laguna Beach, Real World, etc.] This as well has been quite...'entertaining'.